Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
