He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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