it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
