I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
