If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
