If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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