I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
