What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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