So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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