About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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