kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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