Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
