you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
