Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
