Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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