don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
