I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
