over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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