At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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