Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
