Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
