in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
