I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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