My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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