His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize
