Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
