so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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