What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
