I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
