so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
