I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
