if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's official drugs can't kill me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
