escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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