The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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