Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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