he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
