Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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