he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
