she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
