do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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