i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
