There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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