I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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