I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
