I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
