it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
