Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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