I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
