I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize