If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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