first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
