Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
