Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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