jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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