Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My bed smells like the plague
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
