Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
