Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
