I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wanna passion pit in your ass
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
