I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
