she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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