we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
