she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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