You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We have started to decorate penises.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
