It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
