I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
