If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize