I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
