I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
