Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
