life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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