We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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